Sunday, May 3, 2009

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

5/3/09

I didn't make it to soccer today.  I did have an ok day, overall.  I got up the energy to clean my back porch.  It has been a mess for months now.  I struggled a bit this weekend trying to remember what I used to do on weekends before I was always resting.  I finally had the girls and I write down fun weekend things to do on slips of paper (a great suggestion from D).   We put the slips into two containers- one for nice day things to do and one for rainy day things to do.  The idea is that when we are stuck, unable to remember what we used to do for fun, we can just pick something from a container.  Today we picked going to a movie.  My stomach ache was gone and I was feeling pretty good.  I planned on walking around the mall a bit after the movie.  We got to the other side of the mall when I started cramping.  Sometimes I get what feels like two really bad side aches.  This happened today and I had to hobble my way through the mall and back to the car for some pain killers.  It hurt worse and worse as I walked and I got so very discouraged.  It is so frustrating to have the motivation to start being more active again, but lack the physical ability.  I guess my brain is more ready than my body is.  I realized today that I've been doing the cancer thing for six months now.  No wonder I'm worn down.  I'm going to work on having more compassion and understanding for myself.

No comments: