Thursday, May 21, 2009

18 Down, 15 To Go


Having a hard day today.  Not sure why.  Hormones?  Grief?  Exhaustion? Maybe all three and then some.  Still not sleeping well.  The hot flashes were gone for awhile, but seem to be back again at night.  Feeling some deep muscle aches- the arimidex?  Had planned on playing soccer tonight, but couldn't do it.  It just wasn't a soccer night for me.  I seem to be missing the last 7 months of my life.  Right now I only believe they happened because I wrote about them on this blog.  It's a freaky feeling- I can remember bits and pieces, but it is all fading away so quickly.  It almost feels like I left my body last fall and just came back to find it's spring.  It's an unsettling feeling and I'm feeling off balance. I don't quite know what to do with myself.  It's almost like I need to get to know myself again.  I've been so focused on medical stuff, and just getting through each day and now that focus is quickly fading away and I'm left trying to remember what used to occupy my brain space and what I used to do with my free time.   

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