Saturday, January 24, 2009

Thank You God!


I prayed and prayed this time that the chemo could be a little gentler on me, and I have to thank God, because my prayers were answered. This time was WAY better than last time. Which doesn't mean it was easy, but I'll take this time over last time any time!

My biggest complaint was the nausea. My second biggest complain was the boredom. Here's what I did different this time:

First, I really did pray, on my knees in my bathroom with a candle. Second, I made NO plans to do anything outside the house, other than go in for my shot and my acupuncture on Thursday. Other than that, I didn't leave the house for two days. I stayed as still as I could- either on the couch or in bed. I had extra acupuncture (the day before and the day after) and I had extra reiki (the day of, just after the chemo). I had two of my favorite people with me during the chemo- B at the beginning and F at the end. I got a list of foods to eat to help support my liver and to help decrease the body ache feeling. The main ones I ate were beets and salmon. I tried to eat really well during the preceding week. I took something called Astragalus, which is an herb (I think- it's in a liquid solution) that is supposed to lessen the side effects of chemo, I had D spend three nights with me- I am so lucky that she was able to- so I didn't have to try to fix my own food, I had the kids spend time with friends so I didn't need to take care of them (thank you thank you kind friends who cared for the girls!), I took ginger pills, I slept a lot, and I took the anti-nausea medication exactly as prescribed (which means I took it before I started feeling really bad).

I'm trying to record all this so I can remember to do it next time. I did have a lot of nausea in spite of all this, but I made it through ok. I was able to eat at least three times a day, just very small amounts. I ended up liking yogurt and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches the best. Today I was able to eat real food again, just small amounts. It was hard staying so still for so long, and I would get to feeling better, so I would get up and try a little something, like unloading the dishwasher, and I would get that horrible car sickness feeling right away, so back to bed I'd go. Each day when I started to get really frustrated and bored, a friend just happened to call and come for a visit, so it was bearable. It was also so nice having D spend the night- it took away the fear that I'd be all alone in the house and be too sick to take care of myself, and she was able to give me my shot each morning without me having to drive across town to the doctor's office. I've got one more shot to go tomorrow, then I'm done with needles until my blood draw on Wednesday.

Today I was very tired but I was still able to get to an Alanon meeting. I had a long afternoon nap (Karina was at the Duck game with a friend- thank you friend! and Kaycee colored and watched a movie). After my nap I took Kaycee to her first ever basketball game (where she played). It was hard being in the gym because I've found that smells really make me feel bad. It doesn't seem to matter if it's a really bad smell or just a regular smell, just any smell turns my stomach. Being in the gym was hard because there were a lot of smells. But, there was no way I was going to miss her first game. She was so beautiful to watch! My graceful fairy is showing her strong athletic side more and more. After the game we went to the Y for a swim and the girls were so happy. I've really noticed lately how happy they are. At the Y I was able to sweat a bunch in the wet sauna and even some in the dry sauna. The locker room was hard, though, more smells to turn my stomach. I tried keeping a scarf on my head in the wet sauna, then couldn't bear it so I went completely bald for the first time in the locker room. I got a LOT of stares- open and long ones from little kids, and sneaky- I'm checking you out but I know it's rude so I'm going to pretend I'm not- ones from adults. The best I could do today was to just try not to make eye contact with anyone and to pretend I didn't notice. It is getting a little bit easier. I've gone outside at home a few times and just forgotten to cover my head, so I'm sure the neighbors have seen. I'm caring less and less as time goes on.

I got the sweetest gifts today. In the Alanon meeting, many people knit and crochet the most beautiful things. I watched a woman crocheting a really cool hat during the meeting, and at the end, she gave it to me! It's furry and when I wear it, it feels a little bit like I have bangs. It's very thick and warm and made of festive colors. Then, before I could leave, someone else gave me an entire meal that he had made for the girls and I, and in the parking lot he noticed the big scrape on my car. The scrape from when I was trying to parallel park way back when before my surgery and I was crying all the time and yelling at the kids and not paying attention. He just happened to have something in his car that he rubbed on the scrape and poof, it's gone! I realized that I'm not that hysterical, terrified person that I was just a few months ago in the middle of the surgeries. I'm still scared much of the time, but that initial, awful, the news is so fresh, feeling has passed. Now I'm smack in the middle of it and the end will be in sight soon!

I really, really, really want to be feeling well enough to play in my soccer game tomorrow. If only the indoor place didn't stink so bad!

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