Second Round

1/7/09


I am sitting here in the recliner in my doctor’s center, with a needle in the port in my heart. This is my second round of chemo. The chemo is not in yet, but will be soon. First I get some anti-nausea stuff pumped in, then some steroids. Then, we take a little break so Nurse Rugby can play the crystal bowl. Then comes chemo one, then chemo two. Two together this time.

I have had a great week with lots of energy and a great appetite. I had a great mind body class last night, with a focus on what an amazing entity our bodies are. I am reminded that our bodies can take a huge beating and recover. I am not looking forward to returning to the place where I was after the last chemo- grossed out by food, tired, uncomfortable in my body. I went on a walk this morning while waiting for my ride, and I remembered my tree vision in the MRI machine. I reminded myself that today (and maybe for a few days) is my time for rest. Last week was my time for energy. My energy will come back again after my rest. My appetite will come back again too.

I still have my hair today. I’m sure its days are limited. I had a dream last night that I was pulling it out in hunks, but when I checked this morning it was still there. I’m looking at some more wigs on Friday. I got a great new hat yesterday- a very jaunty one.

Some great things happened last week. I was looking at my vision board, and I realized that things are coming true from it! There is a picture of me playing soccer on it, and I got to play soccer on Sunday. “Comfy couch” is on there, and I found a great couch on Craig’s list. The seller came down in price for me, and said he’d deliver it for free as soon as the weather clears up. It was very easy. I can’t wait to lie on it and just sink into it. I got a scholarship for both the warm water pool and water classes at Tamarack, and for the yoga classes. I still needed a place with a sauna, so I thought of the YMCA. I knew that they did their scholarships in October, but I decided to ask anyway. I went in and I was wearing one of my hats and feeling kind of self-conscious. I got a gruff guy at the desk and when he asked why I wanted a scholarship, I was so uncomfortable. I told him that I had had a recent serious medical diagnosis and I needed a sauna. I was sure he was going to say “no”, but instead he asked me how much could I pay per month. I had no idea what I could afford, but “$25.00” came out of my mouth and he said ok and that I could have a family scholarship so my kids could come too. Wow, it was so easy! He turned out to really be a nice guy just pretending to be gruff. So, things are falling into place for me just as needed.

I am still needing to take some “leaps of faith” in some areas of my life. I am so scared about money. I am amazed at how quickly it goes with me doing all the ----------------------------------------------

Ok, the chemo is now in. Nurse Rugby did a beautiful singing bowl time, and I held the chemo bag again with my smoky quartz up next to it. In class last night the teacher talked about one woman who imagined chemo as being like nectar because she knew it was making her better. The red koolaid chemo does look like humming bird nectar, so I’m going to start thinking of it that way too.

So, the money goes quickly with the co-pays for the acupuncture, massage, chiropractor, and all the vitamins and good food. I’m trying to figure how how to make it last and how to not take too much time off work. I can get really caught up in the worry of all that. So, I’ve been making a conscious effort to pray and to ask God to take care of it and to trust completely that it will be taken care of as easily as everything else. For some reason I can have faith in many areas, but the area of money is a hard one.

I was given a cd to listen to during chemo, specifically about relaxing during chemo, so time to be done writing so I can listen to that. And, I brought along a romantic comedy to watch. I am in need of some more light hearted romantic comedies, so if anyone has any to loan, I’d be grateful!