Sunday, January 18, 2009

Better Today

1/18/09

A much better day today. I got to hike up to the swing at Mt. Pisgah with the girls and D. This is the longest I've walked since before all the surgeries. It is also the first time the girls didn't need to be drug along- they walked ahead, and fast, and I did my best to keep up with them. I could really feel how out of shape my muscles were. But, it was such a beautiful, crisp, sunny day that it didn't get to me too much. Mostly I was just so thankful to be out and walking and not feeling sick. I came home and rested for a bit, had a bath, then went to my soccer game. I was so tired, but it was really important to me that I go. I wore the buff to the game- there's no way I could play in that wig. I was nervous about walking in and nervous about comments and questions. But it turned out to be just fine. Just a few comments, then the focus was on the game. We played a team that was a lot better than us, and they were a bit aggressive, so I just took it easy. Again, I was so thankful to be there playing that I didn't care too much about how the game was going. I have lost my assertivenes as I'm so afraid someone will knock into me and hurt me. Mostly I'm worried about the port- it hurts when I stretch that arm too much or move in a certain way. My other arm, I'm happy to say, is WAY better! I didn't think about it at all during the game except once when I moved it at an awkward angle. I tried to go to an alanon meeting after the game, but I was falling asleep during it, so I just headed home and had a second bath and am resting now. I am SO tired. I'm hoping I can get another good night's sleep like last night.

I'm feeling better today about the next chemo. I've got a plan in place for myself and for the girls, and I think it will be so much better knowing that we are all being taken care of. Part of my stress last time is that I thought that I could get some errands done the day after chemo, so I was driving around too much and feeling really rotten. What was I thinking?! This time, I'm not making any plans to do anything other than watch movies at home and go to acupuncture. Oh, and I have to go back to the office and get the shot the next day. I think I just need to take the pressure off of myself to try to do too much.

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