Strip Malls and Starbucks

12/1/08

Today was my first day back at work. It felt weird at first. But, then it felt good to be back to a somewhat normal feeling day. Until I went in for my CT scan. (I thought it was a cat scan and I kept having images of my kitties). It was located in a strip mall in between a Starbucks and a Wok restaurant. It looked like one of those strip mall offices where you go to sign up for a temp job. The waiting area was cold and had these high, modern ceilings like you might see in a night club. The receptionist took down my information and said, "Your portion will be $250.00. Would you like to make a payment on that now?" Like I was buying a car or something. She gave me a barium drink in a medical looking bottle with a cheerful label that said "Berry Flavored Barium Smoothy!" I sat facing the outdoor tables of Starbucks and pretended that I was having a Starbucks drink and sitting with friends, without a care in the world. I tried not to be envious of the people I saw going in and out, a part of the every day world. It worked for the first half, then the drink started tasting gross- I needed to have an empty stomach for the scan, and the smoothy was giving me the grossed out shudders. A motorcycle guy walked in and was giving me the flirty eye. I had to laugh to think I might be hit on in such a place, feeling as I was feeling. Very surreal.

After almost an hour I was called back and I was happy to learn that I didn't have to take my clothes off! The table looked a lot like the MRI table, except that I got to lay on my back with a very nice pillow for my head and for my legs. The tech was a painfully young girl who was friendly, but way too young. I hadn't been expecting an IV, but she told me I needed iodine in me to help with the pictures. After the failed attempts at IV's for my surgery, I was not too happy to hear that. I told her about that experience and offered her my right arm, which typically has the best vein and was not the one used for surgery. She did a bunch of jabbing and tried to feed a catheter in- ouch! No success. Then, I remembered that I'm supposed to be practicing what I learned from watching "The Secret". I am supposed to be doing positive affirmations- not just saying "I hope the IV goes in", but saying "I have great veins and I'm thankful that the IV will go in with no problem." So, I told her that I had made a mistake and that I actually had a great vein on the left arm that would be really easy. I sent a silent prayer of thanks for my great vein and I visualized the needle and catheter going in easily. It worked!! She was so surprised, so I let her in on my secret.

The scan was simple- in and out of the machine several times for a few minutes each. The iodine was warm in my body and reminded me of being buried in warm sand as a child at the beach. The room was very cold and I was feeling resentful of all those people happily chatting and sipping warm drinks next door. Then it occurred to me- I could actually go to Starbucks and be one of those people! I got finished and got my stuff together and was almost out the door when the youngster called out to me and said she needed to take a few more pictures. Back in I went and again it was pretty quick. The machine was funny- it made a sound like an airplane makes when it is revving up its engines getting ready for take off. A computer voice would come on and tell me when to hold my breath and when to breathe normally. I was able to close my eyes and imagine that I was an astronaut in the space shuttle, ready for take off. It was actually kind of fun for small bits of time.

Once I FINALLY left, I stopped by Starbucks and got a yummy peppermint coffee and a pastry breakfast thing. I so thoroughly enjoyed it, and I got to pretend to be a regular person participating in the regular world for a bit. The results of the scan go to my doctor tomorrow and I'm wondering again if I should call him.

I ended the day with Kaycee's last vision therapy check. She has made HUGE improvements and I am so glad that I stuck it out with that and that we finished when we did. Got home pretty late and was EXHAUSTED. Kaycee is bugging me for a walk right now, so soon I'll put on my cool motivating shoes and head out. I took off the last of the steri-strips and my scar is pretty cool looking, as is the purple bruising.