GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!

Just got back from my appointment. There was NO CANCER in any of the other lymph nodes taken out- just in the very first one. And there was NO CANCER in any of the additional breast tissue taken out, and he got enough out that at this point, NO MORE SURGERY!!! Its so nice to have some good news!

My drain is still in, but may come out Friday or Monday. Dr. T looked at how I was guarding my arm and told me, "YOU'RE NOT SICK! IT"S TIME TO GET OUT OF SICK THINKING! MOVE THAT ARM!!" I sort of protested, "but I'm afraid of the pain" and he told me that if I don't start moving it, my shoulder will freeze up and then I'll really know what pain is. He showed me how to move it back and forth, not side to side. He also showed me how to REALLY strip the tube on my drain so it doesn't get clogged up. F was with me and as soon as Dr. T left the room, he got all excited and had me start moving my arm. He'll be a good motivator for me.

The next step is to get the drain out, then hear all about the types of chemo I'll be getting, then meet with the nurses and get an "intro to chemo" session, then wait for insurance to approve paying for chemo. (I can't even begin to describe my feelings of relief and gratitude that I have insurance that will pay for this. And my feelings of despair and anger for those people who don't have insurance. There have been long stretches of time in my life when I've been without insurance and it angers me to think that if this had happened then, I might have really suffered. And in such a wealthy country. Well, I could go on and on on that subject, but I'll save it for another time and place). Then, I'll be ready to start. Possibly by the end of next week, but I'm hoping not till the following week. I'm planning a tiny get away and I'd SO like to have one more moment of normal before chemo begins. Dr. T wouldn't talk about the chemo at this appointment, but I did ask if I'd be getting the kind that causes me to lose my hair. He gave me a long, long answer that ended up meaning yes, within a week of the first treatment. He said that the best kind of chemo for me is the kind that causes hair loss. He strongly suggested that I take some time very soon to decide about a wig or not, then make an appointment ahead of time to have my head shaved so that I'd be in control of when, where, and how I will lose my hair.

After I left, I went back to the nurses station to get weighed and measured and saw Mrs. T (doctor's wife and teacher of the mind/body class). She weighed me then took me into a back room where there were 3 donated wigs- they belonged to past people and she said I could have one if I wanted. Or, I could go to Utopia and have one made for me. Or a few other options. I looked at one of the free wigs and it looked so much like a........fake piece of hair. Again, I'm thinking Halloween costume. I couldn't continue as it is upsetting to me to think about being bald. It may be vanity, I don't know. Just something for me to work through. I know the bigger picture here has nothing to do with my hair. It has to do with survival. Its still hard sometimes to believe that this is really happening to me and that this is really my life.

The bone scan showed a bit of arthritis in my right knee. I had to laugh a little because I had no idea and no symptoms. I'll get an ultra sound to check out my ovaries. And hope and hope that the cancer hasn't spread anywhere else. Dr. T said there are two ways for it to spread- through the lymph system and through the blood system. My lymph should be clear. No idea about the blood way. He said if it was going to spread, it would have already happened and it either will or won't show up someplace else in the future. No way of knowing that now. So, I get to live each day as if its a HUGE, AMAZING, WONDERFUL GIFT, for the rest of my life. Not such a bad way to live actually.

I'm going to eat, rest, then WALK for the first time today. Time to be done being sick!