Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Round Two

12/3/08

I should be asleep right now since I'm due to get up in a few hours, but I'm still awake. I figure I'll have lots of time to sleep tomorrow. I'm feeling pretty good about the surgery right now. Well, I've had moments of sheer terror and crying at odd times and in odd places. But, overall I believe that it will go better. Its so early in the morning that I won't have all day long to get anxious. And, last time I started the day off getting a wire inserted into my boob and driving across town right afterwards. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I was in pain, stressed, cold, thirsty and hungry. And, I had to go through yet another needle in my breast for the sentinel node thing. This time I will go straight in, get prepped, and go into surgery- drugged up and happy this time! I'm practicing my positive visualization right now: I am getting the BEST recovery nurse and when I wake up I am going to feel safe and well. I am getting the BEST IV giving nurse and my veins are plump and hydrated (they really are- I've been drinking a LOT of water today). My surgeon does his BEST work first thing in the morning. My body is strong and healthy and will recover well.

Today I had the bone scan. I went in first for a shot of radioactive stuff. It was injected into an IV. I started getting panicky when the nurse was getting ready for the IV. Then I remembered and I took a few minutes to visualize my great, easy veins. I felt a little prick, then nothing. I thought she was numbing me up with something first, but when I asked, she said she was done! The IV went in so easily, just as I had visualized. It was really, really cool. I didn't feel any different at all with the radioactive stuff binding to my bones. I left and went to the mall for a pedicure. That was heavenly! A whole hour of a foot and leg massage, and beautiful nails at the end! Then, I returned to the hospital and explored the lobby and had lunch before the scan. It is a beautiful hospital. I felt a little bit like I was at a luxury resort somewhere. My lunch was cheap and delicious, and I had a view of the river and of some walking paths. I looked around and saw many, many employees of the hospital and I realized that this is really an ok place to be. This is just a place with a bunch of people in the helping profession all working to get people well. It really helped me today to see this side of the hospital, instead of just the little surgery area. I'm kind of looking forward to staying the night there. Yes, I realize that once I'm there it won't really be a luxury resort, but right now I can kind of imagine it that way.

The bone scan was fine. Two painfully young men were my techs (why are these people so young? Or am I getting old?!) My sponsor was with me and I was so grateful to have her calm presence there. I laid down on a very narrow table and a big camera (huge) very slowly moved across my body. It was a little weird having it so close to my face, but not bad. The two techs were at the computer talking about something, and my sponsor and I talked about how in awe of the machine we were. I had a moment of gratitude for the brilliance of the human mind to create machines such as these. Earlier in the day I had a huge amount of gratitude for all the women who came before me in the early days and doctors learned from them what treatment options would and wouldn't work. I am so very grateful for the amount of research and work that has gone into fighting cancer. I felt a little like there is a huge amount of power in so many people working towards one goal- treating cancer.

The mind/body class last night was so great for me. I am so happy that my friend K went with me. I don't think I could have walked in there alone. I had so much fear and anxiety about joining the "cancer club". But, I felt ok in the group and it was even ok meeting other people who have cancer. I'm still not really ok that I'm one of them, but I am happy to be in such nice company. The big thing I learned is how to breath deeply and how to use more of my lung capacity in order to reduce stress. I've been trying it today and it is very calming. Mrs. T (the instructor and Dr. T's wife) is a great teacher and I think I will learn a lot from her.

The girls are all taken care of. We had a nice evening today, Kaycee has decided that she wants to play on a basketball team, like Karina. So, we went shoe and ball shopping and Kaycee got her first pair of basketball shoes and a pink basketball. For those of you who know Kaycee, this is a HUGE deal. I'm hoping playing a sport will be good for her. And, the girls have been getting along so well- its been very nice and peaceful.

Not sure when I'll write next- I'm going on a mini vacation to a great luxury resort......

1 comment:

Geek Knitter said...

Love the idea of a resort vacation!

I wish I could enjoy foot massages. But my feet are so ticklish that I'm scared I'll kick somebody in the face.

Thinking of you, today and every day.