Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Hair, New Day

12/30/08

In a few minutes I'll be going to have my hair done. I'm going to ask for a "pixie" cut and see how that goes. I'll get my wig cut to my style today too. I'm bringing along a bunch of hats just in case the wig sucks. I finally broke through my block last night and had a friend sit with my while I ordered some cute hats online. We talked through the hair thing, and it might be ok. Got a great reminder from F that it's just hair, it will grow back by summer time, and it could be an adventure.

Had my second chemo yesterday. Learned that I have to come in for the next 5 days and get the gut shot to grow white blood cells. It was going to be just one day, but because of the way the chemo was split this time, I have to do it this way instead. Not too thrilled at all at all at all. I'll have them give me two days worth there, then D will do the remaining 3 at home. I guess after getting 5 in a row, it won't be such a big deal to get one every 2 weeks after this.

Yesterday morning was so hard. I took the girls out to a store and got exhausted and cranky. Got home and we fought a little. I crawled into bed and couldn't stop crying. I had chemo at 1:30 and did not see how I was going to pull myself together enough to even get ready and go. J, my awesome babysitter got here early and took the girls to the park. They love him and were so excited to get to be with someone fun. I got a 30 minute nap and some meditation time and woke up feeling much better and more willing to face the day. My friend S came to get me and arrived with a HUGE bunch of cookies and chicken noodle soup and I was ALL better after that! It's amazing how a little kindness and companionship can turn my mood around. Off we went and we got there and there was a bit of a wait. All together it took 2 1/2 hours. I got all the pre-drugs again, the steroids and anti-nausea. The chemo was clear this time, which I prefer to the koolaid red color. I held it again and asked God to put in some healing, powerful energy. The needle didn't hurt quite as much this time, but it's still not fun, I felt better and better about being there as the time went on. It is such a warm, nurturing atmosphere and the nurses are great. Nurse Rugby played the singing bowl again and Nurse Texas was as kind as ever. They greet every patient with a hug and again when we leave. I saw Dr. T for a bit and he told me to exercise my arm more and referred me to PT. The swelling is normal he said.

This morning, waiting for my friend/wise woman to take me to the hair place, I feel oddly happy and peaceful. The weird body feeling I've been having- where I'm just not comfortable in my body, is not here today. YEAH YEAH!!!!!! I feel a tiny glimpse of normal! I listened to a great relaxation cd last night and had the image of a solid bridge being the chemo. The bridge was made up of 8 solid, thick boards. Each board is one round of chemo. On the other side is health and happiness. Well, I know on the other side is a month of rest, then 45 days of radiation. But, I'll make a new bridge with 45 bricks when the time comes. I'm going to ask Kaycee if she can draw this bridge and we can all color in a board after each round of chemo.

Ok, off to change my hair!

No comments: