Roller Blading!!

2/12/09

I had a chance to go roller blading today. It was a beautiful, cool day and I had the energy and the time, so off I went. At first I thought I'd take it easy, then I had this sudden desire to go 4 miles like I always used to along the river. I got to mile 2 and turned back and was exhausted. I actually started getting tired about 1/2 mile into it and my legs started aching. This never used to happen. I struggled with the last two miles and actually had to sit on a bench and rest for a bit. I kept hearing my acupuncturist's words in the back of my head, "save 20% of your energy for healing". Today I thought to myself, "screw that! I need to be able to still go my usual 4 miles". I made it, but felt like I was roller blading through deep snow. It took over an hour and usually takes me about 30 minutes. I am still exhausted from it, but I am SO HAPPY that I did it and that I could do it. It's early evening and I've collapsed into bed, but I feel good! I had a chance to pray some while I was out, and I gave a great big THANKS for feeling so good and I mentally listed all the side effects that I've had, but was not having at the moment- mouth sores, stomach ache, gross poop, bone ache, urinary tract infection. I was SO HAPPY to be free of these! By the time I got back to the car, I was developing a mouth sore and could tell my poop was going to be gross. Go figure. But, I don't care! I can lie in bed next week after the chemo and feel like crap and remember that I roller bladed 4 miles along the river on a gorgeous day. And, I'm planning on playing soccer this weekend, so I'll have that to remember too.

I had a good appetite today and treated myself to some good food. I discovered that Jamba Juice sells the cheapest wheat grass juice I've found so far- $2.00 for an ounce and today the guy made too much and gave me 2 extra ounces for free! It tastes so gross- it taste like drinking grass. But, it's supposed to be a good detoxifier and my liver needs to be detoxified, so I drink it and am grateful.

For some reason I'm back to wearing the wig. At home I take it off, but feel the need to wear a hat. I had gotten used to my bald head, but I dislike it when I see it now. The stubble is almost gone and it's just so babyish and bare looking and it makes me sad. I saw a picture of myself in the wig and thought I looked normal. And, it's not so uncomfortable now. In fact, it's kind of comforting having it on. I saw a picture of myself right after the last chemo with a scarf on and I looked tired and sick. Of course I was tired and sick at the time, but it still bothered me. So, the wig's back for now. Who knows how I'll feel next week.

The flu is going around Eugene right now and I'm obsessively washing my hands. I wash them so thoroughly and so carefully and so often that they are drying out some. I am NOT going to get the flu. I'm trying to put HEALTH into the universe. I figured it out and I'll only have 1 1/2 months left after this weekend. I can do anything for 1 1/2 months. I can do it.