Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The 3 Hour Blood Draw

2/25/09

The good news is that I got my blood drawn today and my counts were fine. My blood is holding strong! The bad news is that Nurse Rugby took one look at me, heard my hoarse voice and my cough, and said I was probably dehydrated and needed fluids. Oh no, I thought, here we go again. I remembered what happened last time I needed fluids. He missed the port-a-cath the first time and the needle hurt really bad and I had that terrible nightmare that night and I was so depressed afterwards. I agreed to the IV, but asked to have it in my hand instead. Nurse Rugby looked at me like I was crazy, but agreed. He tried in my hand and it hurt SO MUCH and I remembered that IV's in the hand DO hurt and I remembered all the trouble I had in the hospital with them. Well, it didn't work in my hand, so I agreed to getting it in the port as long as I could ice it up first. I iced it for awhile, but it still hurt anyway. But, for some reason, my spirits were better today and I wasn't so freaked out. Nurse Rugby talked to me about the power of positive thinking, and he even sang to me while the needle went in, just like D did for me last time, so it was ok. But then, I looked at the bag of fluids and it was HUGE. I then thought to ask how long it would take and he said 2 HOURS!!! I guess I should have asked that first. He assured me that I would feel much better once I had fluids in me and that being dehydrated in the middle of chemo would cause big problems. I understood all that, but I had nothing with me to keep me occupied and I was surrounded by a bunch of chemo zombies and I wasn't getting any benadryl, so I couldn't be a zombie myself. Luckily they have a shelf full of books and I found one and read and had some gratitude for getting 2 free hours on a work day to read. The whole thing took a total of 3 hours. I treated myself to a nice lunch, some wheat grass, and a jamba juice afterwards. I don't think I'm going to have nightmares about it.

A few interesting things happened today. First, a beautiful woman walked into the treatment room. All the staff greeted her warmly and I tried to figure out what her relationship to the office was. She had long brown hair tied back in a pony tail, so I knew she wasn't a patient (you can't tie wig hair into a pony tail). She was dressed professionally and she had great perfume on, which I really appreciated because I was fighting down medical smell-induced nausea again. All the staff hugged her and even Dr. T came out and hugged her. They all talked about how long it had been since they'd seen her. I finally figured that she probably used to work there and was just in for a visit. Then, she sat down in the blood draw chair and had her blood drawn! Which must mean that she was a patient, long past her chemo, in for one of her yearly checks or something. It gave me so much hope to see someone on the other side of what I'm right in the middle of. I also read a small booklet written by one of Dr. T's former patients. It was on the bookshelf. It was about a woman who had breast cancer, a mastectomy, and chemo. 3 months after she was finished, there was cancer in her liver. She had more chemo and it made the liver tumor disappear. Then cancer was found in her brain. I this point I just knew she was going to die. But, this book was dated 2007 and she was writing about this happening in 1999. She went to OHSU and got some sort of laser treatment and the brain cancer was gone. She ends the book talking about how important it was that she got all her treatment and how she feels it's what's kept her alive. I can't imagine going through chemo twice. But, again, I got to see a glimpse of the other side. And, I spoke with a man today whose wife went through breast cancer last year. He told me how hard the chemo was, but how vibrant and alive and healthy she is now. So, many, many messages today about life on the other side. It doesn't seem terribly far off to me right now.

So, I am still sick. But oddly enough, my spirits are good and I feel happy. I can't stop coughing and my voice is hoarse. I've got an ok appetite and I've been drinking lots throughout the day. I had acupuncture yesterday and she did some points for the cough. She said it would get worse before it got better for the first day, so I guess today is my "worse" day.

I've been getting repeated messages from the universe about starting a meditation practice of my own. I've tried meditating in the past and it hasn't really worked for me. I now know many different breathing techniques and a bit about meditation. I've been thinking I'd like to set up a regular time each day. Early morning, before the kids get out of bed would be best. But, how am I going to drag myself out of bed? I'll have to think more on this.

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