Finger Tips

2/21/09

One of the side effects of this chemo that gets some people is nerve damage in the finger tips, causing pain or numbness. As much as I hoped it wouldn't happen, it seems that my finger tips are being affected. They aren't numb, but they do hurt. I decided to try typing to see if I still can. I can, so it must not be such a big deal. I just keep wondering if I'm going to come through this unscathed or not. I still have my fingernails, so that's a good thing. I had a pretty good couple of days, all things considered. Very tired, but not sick. I went for a nice long walk this morning with Kaycee and it was SO NICE to be outside in the woods. We had a nice, relaxing time and I feel like we got to reconnect a bit. I've been missing the kids. I am looking forward to summer when I can just relax with them.

I tried cleaning out the garage today and found that I had no muscle strength to lift bins up onto shelves. But, I had the energy to get out there at least! My eyes are doing that funny thing again where it's not too easy to see to type. I am very tired right now. But, I'm typing! As long as my fingers don't fall off I guess I'm doing ok.

Something about being past the half way point really cheers me. I know I've got a week and a half to go before I have to do this again, but right at this moment I feel like maybe, just maybe, I can handle three more. I just hope my fingers don't get worse. It's not actually physically too terrible. More than anything it's just scary. I find myself asking how did I get to a place of being bald and having nerve damage in my fingers and being a single parent with breast cancer? The world can be a scary place. Tomorrow it will be ok again I know, after a good night's sleep. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and just need some moments of peace.