MRI/Biopsy

11/15/08

So, yesterday went way, way better than I had anticipated, and I expected it to be the most scary procedure yet. A friend came over in the morning and we had a great talk and she did Reiki with me. I am still just beginning to learn about what reiki is, so I can't really explain it here. I can say that I felt deeply relaxed, unafraid, and incredibly strong afterwards. I even felt hungry for the first time in a while, and my stomach wasn't in a knot. I became aware of my heart beating- not faster than usual, but more powerful than I had ever noticed before.

My next friend arrived to drive me, and off we went. I was feeling great until we started going up and around in the parking garage, and I went back to that place of fear and nervousness. This was my FIFTH time at Oregon Imaging in the past couple of weeks, and I wasn't thrilled to be back. The ladies at the front desk are so kind though, that I actually felt comfortable once I walked in- its become a familiar place to me.

My patient navigator was there too and she visited with me a bit in the waiting room. I didn't have long at all to wait and off I went to change- a pair of HUGE scrub pants, a gown that opened in front, and another that opened in back. Drowning in clothing, I shuffled off to get an IV in and straight to the MRI room. My friend stayed outside and was able to watch through the window. The patient navigator came in and I felt such comfort, like many people were holding me in their thoughts. I felt like there was positive energy and love in the atmosphere around me (and this was before the drugs!!!!) My patient navigator kept her hand on my back and rubbed me in the most comforting way. The medical people there were incredibly compassionate and gentle with me. I had to be positioned face down on the table, with my upper body on a sort of upward slanting ramp, with my breasts hanging down through two holes, and my forehead resting on a narrow support. My arms were just sort of tucked up onto the table. Once I was positioned, I got some drugs- Verced and something else, in my IV. I was a little worried about having a bad reaction- I haven't ever had any type of medical drugs before and didn't know what to expect. But, I was still feeling mostly calm- I think the Reiki, the support from friends, the medical staff, the presence of God, and the thoughts of all the people thinking of me were at work. Once they pushed me into the MRI machine, I could feel the drugs kick in and I felt kind of dizzy, then just so relaxed that I couldn't really move, which was great since I was supposed to stay still. Some pictures were taken, and I was pulled out of the machine. The doctor numbed me up and inserted a ceramic marker, then I went back into the tube for more pictures. Then back out of the tube for the actual biopsy. This time I didn't feel anything at all, not even any pressure. She took 10 samples, and each time the needle going in made a sound like a sewing machine. When she was done, I may have gone back in the tube again- I don't really remember. The whole thing took about an hour, but seemed much shorter. When it was time to get up, I was pretty wobbly, but had someone helping me. I went off to get a mammogram. They had told me ahead of time that I would need a mammogram afterwards- not too cool! The incision couldn't be taped up till after the mammogram, so there was some blood that I saw that freaked me out a little. In the mammogram room I started shaking all over- they said it was probably an after effect of the drugs. I sat while the pictures were taken, then had to wait a while with pressure on the incision until it stopped bleeding, then it got taped up and off I went to change. I got into the changing room and had a bit of privacy and started bawling. Not sure why- it really wasn't all that stressful, but I guess my body was stressed. My friend came in and hugged me and helped me to get dressed and off we went. It was so eery walking into the waiting room, feeling like I had just been through something huge, but here I was walking out into the world as if all was normal. My breast stayed numbed up and I did not experience the type of pain like before. I got home and was just so zoned out. I am so grateful that my friend picked up the girls, got dinner, another friend came and took the girls out for the evening, and yet another friend came over and hung out with me and helped get the girls to bed once they got home. I went to bed quite early and woke up a few times in pain, but took the vicadin and slept pretty well. Today I am feeling some pain at the site of the incision, and some stiffness in my arm, but mostly I'm just very, very tired.

The girls and I are going to the library and to spend some time outside and I am so very, very grateful that we get one more weekend to relax together before the surgery.

I am most grateful for all the friends who supported me yesterday, both the ones physically present with me and the ones whose thoughts were with me. I am experiencing the power of those thoughts. Please think of me again Tuesday at 10:30 when I'm being injected with radioactive stuff, and again at 1:00 when I'll be having surgery.