Sunday Eve

11/23/08

Got through the weekend. Yesterday's euphoria ended during the evening bedtime routine. The girls are impatient for things to be back to normal and ready for me to carry on with taking care of them again. They will be changed, too, from all this. I think they will become strong, independent, and caring, but we have a lot to get through first.

I am so very grateful for the cherished friends who took the girls on outings this weekend. It was challenging having them at home so much, although it was nice too because I've missed them.

Today I went out again, to the grocery store for toilet paper and to Sweet Potato Pie for some comfortable, natural fiber clothing. It was recommended to me to wear more natural clothing that doesn't bind like my jeans do. I found a bunch of stuff to try on, then realized I was exhausted before making it into the dressing room. I got in there and the perky young sales girl kept asking if I needed any help. I got my arm stuck several times and almost considered asking her if she could help dress and undress me, but I'm not quite that ready to ask for help whenever I need it. I did it myself, and ended up feeling like I'd been to lift weights by the time I was finished. I got a few very soft, comfortable things made of hemp, organic cotton, and bamboo. Now I can get dressed during the day, but still feel like I'm in my pajamas!

I left the store thinking that I should go for a walk, but I was so tired, and I was not dressed for the cold. I feel like I've been away from the world for a month- its cold now and Christmas decorations are up and this is not how things were a week ago.

I had a bit of a nap when I got home and I messed around a bit with a large, lavender crystal that was given to me today. Its a beautiful stone and I love how it feels. I tried a little Reiki holding the stone and sort of drifted off and was very, very relaxed. Then the girls came home and we had a much better evening tonight. I've just been leaving the room when they start acting up, and telling them that I will rejoin them once they stop fighting. Tonight we actually got to spend some nice time together playing games, reading, and even finishing up homework. Its 8:00 now and I'm wiped out and ready for bed.

Tomorrow is Monday and I'm anxious. Afraid that the doctor's office will call. Afraid that they won't call. Thinking of calling myself. But not wanting to. Also, I'm in that awkward in between state of not needing to be in bed all day, but not quite ready to jump back into the full swing of things. The retreat/vacation was nice last week, but now I'm ready for something else. Restless I guess. I am going to do a bit of work from home tomorrow. My scars are restless too- sometimes they hurt, sometimes they itch, sometimes they seem to move. There is this cloud over me- I really focused so much on getting through the surgery that I sort of blocked out what is coming next. And, I don't know what's coming next. I really, really wish I was done as the surgery felt like such a bid deal that I should be done. I'm back on the roller coaster, going slowly up, up, up, with no idea if there is a huge drop or a gentle curve over the edge.

Well, at least I know that if I get another Monday call, I won't be driving to get the kids when it comes in!