Monday, November 10, 2008

Roller Coaster

Nov 10

I actually hate roller coasters- I hate that feeling of going up up up slowly and knowing that there is nothing I can do to prevent the crashing fall. Roller coasters in the middle of a hurricane are the worst of all.

I decided to ignore my phone for a couple of hours this morning. I told myself it was so I could focus on trying to finish up some important reports for work, but I think really it was so that I didn't have to face anything. I did get some work done and left my phone in the car. When I went back in the car, there were three messages, one from Dr. Trezona's office, one from the imaging center, and one from my car insurance company. As I was calling the imaging center back, a call from Dr. Trezona came in at the same time. I made the mistake again of trying to drive and talk at the same time. I was on my way to one last home visit for work, but ended up having to pull over as I was talking because the emotions were getting to me again. I scraped a car last week when I was trying to park, yell at kids, and cry all at the same time. What a mess. I told myself I was not going to drive and talk on the phone anymore. Anyway, it was 10:00 and I was on my way to this visit when I was told to come in right away for another ultrasound- I was told I could come at 10:45 or 12:45. I actually said I'd be there at 10:45, thinking I could get through my visit in half an hour. Then I was told that another biopsy might follow the ultra sound. I realized that it would be sheer madness to try to get myself mentally prepared and through a home visit in that amount of time. I picked the 12:45 time, made it through the visit, and began calling friends to see if someone could go with me. The last biopsy was awful for me and I still have a bruise from it and am still having pain. This biopsy was to be on the same breast, with the idea of identifying the 2 mystery spots. If they are cancerous, they will be cut out along with the original lump. If they are not, then a smaller amount will be taken out. Great reason to do another biopsy, but my emotions weren't buying it.

I actually need to stop typing now. I'll fill in the blanks later. I had the biopsy, had more pain, and am just starting to feel the effects of something the doc gave me- vicadin I believe. I realized that I've never taken any type of pain medication other than over the counter stuff and this is catching me off guard. I am nice and relaxed and sleepy and loopy and still in pain, but I guess I don't care so much about the pain at the moment. Next step for me- spend yet another tomorrow waiting for yet another phone call for the scheduling of yet another biopsy, but on the other breast- this one promises to be one of the modern, new, lighting fast roller coasters- I'll be in the MRI tube during the procedure. I cannot even imagine how that will work.....

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