Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Impatient

4/22/09

I am impatient with the slow speed of my recovery from surgery.  I was expecting it to go faster.  Yesterday was hard, I got hit with a huge emotional uncontrollable sobbing thing, right in the middle of picking out cheese at Albertsons.  I had thought that I'd drop the kids at school and go into work for a bit, but I headed back home instead.  The crying was weird- it felt so out of my control and it wasn't related to any specific sadness.  I called the naturopath and she said it was most likely one of my menopause symptoms related to seratonin levels and she gave me something with St. John's Wart and Triptophan (no idea how to spell this- I think it's the stuff in turkey).  I took it and sat in the sun for a while and got to feeling somewhat better.  I had an afternoon of appointments with my counselor and acupuncture, so it was an easy afternoon of laying down and relaxing.  But, by 4:00 I was in a lot of pain and it dawned on me that something might be wrong if I'm getting worse each day rather than better.  I called the doc's office and they started me on anti-biotics.  When I went into Albertsons yesterday evening to get the prescription, the lady told me they were behind and it'd be about 10 minutes.  I embarrassingly started sobbing again!  She looked alarmed and I tried to tell her I was just in pain.  She got my stuff ready in about 2 minutes.  It's interesting how uncomfortable tears in public make people (myself included).  

I went into work this morning for a few hours.  I just couldn't bear the thought of laying in bed all day again today.  I took vicadin, but it doesn't seem to be helping much any more.  It hurt to sit in my chair at my desk, but it felt so good to be out in the world, doing something productive.  And it was so nice to see my lovely co-workers.  I work with the nicest people.  I got caught up a bit, then couldn't stand the pain any more, so I'm back home in bed.  I don't feel too bad, though, because I feel like I at least did a little something today.  I am SO impatient to be able to MOVE again.  Karina had a soccer game last night at the same field where I played all last summer.  It was really hard to sit and watch and to know that there is no way I can play soccer right now.  I know that this is temporary, but I sort of told myself that I'd be better once the weather got better.  At least I love my house and my yard- my own private retreat.  I'm in bed right now, but the window is open and there's a nice breeze blowing and I can smell my pear and plum blossoms.  I woke up at 3:00 this morning to what sounded like a big, heavy person walking around my back yard outside my window.  I looked, and there were 4 lady deer eating the pear blossoms, drinking water, walking through the sand box, and exploring the rose bushes under my window (the deer fence held- they didn't go near the garden!)  They were so pretty and magical to watch.  I'm planning on getting a comfy chaise lounge for the back yard so I can lay back there and relax in the sun.  Ok, I think I'll try for a nap.

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