Wednesday, April 29, 2009

HALT

4/29/09

I woke up Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired today.  Not a great way to start the day after feeling so good yesterday and last night.  The hot flashes continue to wake me several times a night and I have trouble getting back to sleep.  More disturbing dreams.  It was very hard to get out of bed this morning.  I was hungry, but still have a stomach ache, so couldn't eat.  Lonely from waking up all night long and not wanting to call anyone at 2, 4, 6 in the morning.  Angry/frustrated at my out of control emotions.  It took a huge effort to get dressed and I couldn't stop crying.  Karina was so incredibly sweet- she's been so cheerful lately and she came in and gave me a hug.  Who knows, maybe all this that I'm going through will help her understand herself better when her hormones kick in and get all out of whack.

It took another great effort, but I made it in to work.  I had to call several people first to talk.  I am so grateful that I have such wise people to call.  I took some time to walk along the river and although I was sore, it was good to move and to be outside.  I just finished a nice meal in a cute little cafe in Junction City, and I've been sipping tea and watching small town life go by on the main street out the window.  I am so very tired, but much calmer and peaceful now.  I know this hard stuff won't last forever.  It just sucks when I'm right in the middle of it!

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