Sunday, April 19, 2009

Beautifully Overwhelmed

Where to even begin? What a beautiful weekend, in every sense of the word. I am so emotional right now I feel like a crazy person- I keep going from crying to laughing and both hurt my stomach and make me cry more. I am really, really, peaceful and so amazingly happy right now, although to look at my emotions I'm sure I look just plain crazy. What is going on?! The best I can describe it is like one of those Texas rainstorms I remember from when I lived there. One minute all would be still, the next huge thunderclouds would roll in and then the lightning would start and the winds would pick up and the rain would come pelting down. I had a friend who had a car with a sun roof and we used to like to sit in the car and tilt the seats way back and watch the lightning and the rain from the sun roof. Afterwards I would feel bathed in God's awesome power and beauty and be filled with immense joy at being alive. That's what happened for me this weekend, but the storm came from the amazing people in my life.

First, It was a beautiful, warm, sunny, perfect weekend- very rare and wonderful for an Oregon weekend in April. The weather made the perfect back-drop to the weekend. On Friday I left town for an Alanon retreat at a monastery right on the Mckenzie River. My bed was the bottom bunk next to a window that looked right out over the river. At night I slept with the window open and could hear the rushing river and smell the clean smell of the water. I was nervous about going so soon after surgery, but was feeling not too bad with all the pain killers. Friday evening was nice- there was a great speaker, a great meeting, and a HUGE fire place with a couch right in front that I sat on. I met a bunch of amazing, wise, strong, kind women. I got to talk to several women who have been through similar medical stuff as me, and it gave me such hope.

Saturday morning I woke up after sleeping very well- even in a room full of other women and on a tiny, not soft bunk bed. The river outside my window was the best sleeping pill ever. I had a great breakfast in the company of great women, heard the speaker again, then headed back to Eugene for the afternoon. My writing won't be able to do this next bit justice, but I'm going to try anyway. There was a fundraiser for me that afternoon at Cosmic Pizza. I walked in and was overjoyed to see almost all of my favorite people in the whole world, all in the same place at the same time. There was an amazing, loving, vibrating energy in that place that I absorbed the entire time I was there. The ride into town had left me tired and with very sore, painful tummy muscles, so I thought I'd take it easy while there. And I mostly did, but my pain began to lessen a bunch while I was there and although I was tired, I felt great. Even though I couldn't dance, my spirit was on the dance floor (great music!) I couldn't help but cry from happiness and awe.

I think God was guiding me and protecting me when I decided to move back to Eugene 4 1/2 years ago. I have lived in many, many different cities, and this is the most amazing community I've ever lived in. The people I am surrounded with are so kind, wise, loving, and giving. It inspires me and has left me with this big, neon, blazing message, that actually woke me up from a sound sleep Saturday night- LIFE IS GOOD AND I'M OK. Simple, but profound for me. I actually woke up Saturday night with that blazing thought in my head. I've wondered for a while now if I was going to be ok and what the heck was happening to my out of control life. After being filled with the COSMIC PIZZA EUGENE ENERGY, I feel ok now. The event raised a tremendous amount of money, which hasn't really sunk in for me yet, but which I am so grateful for. It also raised my level of hope higher than it's ever been before.

Ok
, I feel like I'm rambling on here and not really expressing myself well- I feel a little self-conscious here, but it's important to me to keep trying to express myself. I went back to the retreat Saturday evening and I would just start to cry when people spoke to me. I wasn't able to explain why, and I think they all just thought I was emotional. I was, but I was also speechless. I got to hear more great things from the speaker and got to attend more amazing meetings with strong women. The speaker had such a hopeful story- she was a tall, beautiful, self-confident woman who had come to the states from Mexico years ago as a teenager by illegally jumping the border fence. She told a story of how she worked on a chicken farm and would hide in the part of the coup that held the chicken crap when immigration officials would come. This woman had literally been through crap so she could make a better life for herself. Her story really inspired me- it is possible to go through really crappy times and come out the other side strong, wise, and self-confident.

Today (Sunday) I ended the retreat by walking a labyrinth with 2 friends. It was in a sunny meadow, surrounded by tall trees and even taller mountains with snow on top. All three of us have been through some crappy times, and yet here we were, walking the labyrinth, filled with hope.

I was riding high on the vibrations of love and hope and thought I could be done with the pain killers. I SO want to be done with all the medication I've been taking. Big mistake. I started feeling a LOT of pain on the drive home and just started sobbing. I quickly took some vicadin (ah vicadin, my old friend) but it takes a while to kick in. D was driving and she just talked me through it. I settled down and we got home and I immediately noticed something different in my back yard. I have been dreaming of having a little table and a chair in my garden so I can sit there on nice mornings with a cup of tea and the sun and meditate on all the growing things. I looked in my garden, and there was a table and a chair! I looked closer and saw that my lawn was all mowed and the third garden bed was put in and filled with dirt, and raspberry plants had been planted, and the peas all popped up over the weekend. I was so tired and in so much pain and had planned on laying down in bed, but instead I hobbled out to my garden and sat in the chair and just cried and cried. It's always hard to go away for the weekend and have a good time and then come back to the old routine of home, and this little surprise made me feel like I left one retreat and came home to another one. Thank you sweet F (the best boyfriend ever) for my sweet garden retreat.

Off to bed now. Good night!


2 comments:

Geek Knitter said...

It was such fun at Cosmic Pizza, but the best part was seeing you walk in. So glad I could be there.

PodPoet said...

Krista it was so nice to read about the fun times had at Cosmic Pizza. I added a little something special at the bottom of your recent post. :) Love, Steve