Sunday, April 26, 2009

Getting Myself Back

4/26/09

Another of Karina's soccer games today at a field where my team plays.  I got there feeling exhausted, having spent the morning helping the girls rearrange their rooms and set up bunk beds (with lots of help from friends).  When we arrived at the game there was a woman running around the track.  She kind of reminded me of myself- similar in age, appearance, and running style.  She was still running at half time and I was so envious of her and feeling sorry for myself.  Then something fired up in me and I decided to be inspired by her instead of envious.  I got up and walked around the track 3 times.  It's my first walk since the surgery. The first lap felt great, the second one I slowed down, and the third one I just sort of hobbled along.  I figured that if I'm ever going to get back in shape, I need to stop moping about and get up and start at the beginning with slow walking.  It was SO good for my mental health today to walk, and I had a strong sense of believing that I will get my self back.  About an hour after the walk, I was in a lot of pain.  I ended the evening on the couch, taking another vicadin.  I feel like I did a couple hundred sit ups.  I can hardly hold my body up straight when I stand up.  But, I feel so very happy! 

 When I was having such sadness this morning I went to the garden and thinned out the peas for about 20 minutes.  Something about being in the quiet with my hands in the dirt really calmed me.  

My house is a wreck at the moment- it looks like a tornado came through- a result of the room rearranging.  But, I've told myself that the girls and I will just do a little bit each day this week and it will be ok.  No one really cares what my house looks like.  Best of all, I managed to make another meal.  It was simple, just soup in bread bowls, but the girls were really grateful.  Kaycee told me she's so happy that I'm starting to make meals again.  Yeah!  I'm happy too.  Only for some reason my oven decided to stop working, just when I was ready to start cooking again!  Oh well, that's a problem for another day.

I am so very exhausted right now and I am hoping to sleep peacefully and deeply.

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