Oh, my aching body! I don't remember having the body pain last this long before. It sucks. I'm sure it's related to the shot. I had one more to go today, but I called and asked if I could skip it and they agreed! I figure if my bones are aching this much, they must be making massive amounts of white blood cells at the moment and probably don't need any more help. Last night was the time change, so getting out of bed was really hard this morning. Plus, it was cold and snowy today. I did make it out of bed and even got the girls to school on time. By about 8:30 I was ready to be done with work, though, and really, really wanted to go back home and go to bed. But, I also was having a yearning to have a normal day. I've missed so much work the past few weeks that I just wanted to have a normal work day. I got through my morning then stopped off for a coffee. I had to give up coffee when the chemo started because it just wrecks my stomach. But today was cold and I was sleepy and I was craving a cup and so I splurged. Bad idea as once again it wrecked my stomach. So in addition to the body ache, I have stomach cramps too. Lucky me! By the end of the day, though, my spirits were much better. Even though I physically am feeling crappy, my mood is good. I feel like I put in a productive day at work and I like having a normal day. I'm starting to look forward to getting back to my regular, routine schedule. There's a certain comfort in routines that I've been missing.
I'm home now and got straight into my pj's and am planning on spending the evening in bed. I was able to pull together a quick dinner, thanks to yummy left overs, and I asked the girls to take care of a few extra chores for me. They are such good kids- they are being kind and cooperative at the moment. I am so thankful that they have gotten to be more independent since this all started. One of my biggest fears was how would I be able to take care of them, and it's turned out to be manageable.
Even though I didn't make it to soccer yesterday and I didn't feel great, I still got to do something I love- get a start on my garden. F came over and built some raised beds for me and a few neighbors pitched in with shoveling soil and I spent a couple of hours outside, helping as much as I could. We finished up just as it began to snow and after getting warm and dry, I had a nice long rest on the couch. I keep looking outside at the garden beds, full of rich soil, just waiting to be planted. It gives me such joy to look at them- it reminds me that soon new life will be bursting forth and that makes me feel so hopeful and joyful. I know that when my garden is in full bloom, I'll be done with my treatments, and seeing the beds just waiting to be planted makes me feel like the end is in sight.
I asked the physician's assistant for more details on my next steps. She said that it would take 2-4 weeks after the end of chemo for my immune system to bounce back, and about that long for me to start feeling better. Then comes the surgery to remove my ovaries. Recovery should be about 4 days of bed rest and a week or two of taking it easy and no soccer. After I recover, I start radiation. After radiation I'm planning on spending the summer in extreme self-care so I can get my strength back. Actually, I hope to keep up the self-care piece and make it more of a focus in my life. Right now I'm trying to focus on having FUN, along with taking good physical care of myself.
I've had a couple of God-shots this past week (these are things that happen in our lives that could only be orchestrated by a higher power). First, I bought the new dryer and put it on my credit card, hoping that I'd figure out how to pay for it later. Second, I got my big bill from the doctor's office. I haven't seen a bill since December and I was sort of in denial, hoping it would never come. I haven't had the energy to figure out my bills, so I just haven't been looking at my bank statements (denial works for awhile!) Here's the God shot- I found out recently that I got a grant that will pay for my portion of the chemo drugs and for the shots that I need. And, I just got a check in the mail from a friend who wanted to donate something to me, in just the amount that I needed to cover this doctor's bill! As soon as I saw the check, my first response was, "This is ridiculous. I'm NOT taking this money." Then I saw the amount and realized that it matched my doctor's bill and I figured it must be a God-shot. I also had a strong feeling that I will be able to do for others what people are doing for me. I just know that one day I will be in a position to provide that God-shot for someone else. I am SO looking forward to being a person that helps others instead of being the recipient of the help.
Another great thing happened this weekend- Kaycee finished her basketball season! When the chemo first started, both girls were starting basketball and I had no idea how I'd get them to all their games and practices. I really wanted their lives to stay as normal as possible, so I signed them up and hoped I'd figure it out later. Thanks to the help of MANY people, they were able to make most of their games and practices and their lives stayed pretty normal. Karina finishes next week and then I can relax a bit until she starts soccer.
I am so looking forward to acupuncture tomorrow and I hope she can work her magic and make this body pain disappear!
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