Discovering "The Lump" was a hard, scary, chilling, awful day. A nightmare come to life. And it's now behind me and I believe if I can survive a discovery like that, I just might be able to survive anything.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Discovery of the Lump Rock
Discovering "The Lump" was a hard, scary, chilling, awful day. A nightmare come to life. And it's now behind me and I believe if I can survive a discovery like that, I just might be able to survive anything.
The Tube Rock
The tube is such a distant memory, but it's one of my bad ones. It was in for 3 weeks after the second surgery. It hurt, it was gross, I HATED it and it's behind me!
Bridge Throw
Throwing one of my many rocks into the Willamette River. Throwing it down stream so the river can wash it away.
Me and My Rocks
Me and all my rocks at Alton Baker Park.
*****Click on "older posts" to read about today's experience with my last chemo.
Last Chemo!
April 1, 2009
Today was festive and fun- strange for a chemo day, but it was the last one!!!!! I met with Dr. T and got some great answers. My ovarian removal surgery will be two weeks from tomorrow- April 16. I'll get my port out then too- yeah! He said there was no reason to leave it in. Double Yeah! Also in two weeks I'll meet with a radiation oncologist, get set up for some sort of scan, have a mold made of my breast, and find out how many days of radiation I'll get. I had to laugh when he said the radiation typically starts 30 days after the last chemo- that would put me starting on May 1st- May Day! Of course, another holiday. Wouldn't it be funny if the last day of radiation was June 12- my birthday?! I will go back in next week for a blood draw, then after that I'll go in every 3 months for a blood draw (I think for the first year), and any other testing I might need. He also said it's pretty rare to lose finger nails and that mine could just stay loose.
I got flowers from some friends and D brought in 8 huge pink balloons, with Chemo #1 through 8 written on them. My little chair area was quite festive! After the chemo, as I was leaving, the entire staff had gathered in the front office to give me a hug and a present and a card and to congratulate me. They are so very, very sweet. In the parking lot I took a knife and popped each of the balloons, did a cart wheel, and left!
During the chemo I wrote on my rocks,and we stopped off at the river to chuck them in. More pictures to follow. It felt SO GOOD to heave each one of those rocks into the water and to let each thing go. I did another cartwheel on the bridge and off we went to Sweet Life. We spontaneously met up with a few other friends and had a nice, yummy celebration.
I am mulling over an idea. I want to gather more river rocks and this time write all the positives that happened during this period. Then, I'd like to put them together into something permanent for me to keep. I'm thinking of cementing them onto a flower pot, or making a big stepping stone out of them for the garden, or something. A friend had an idea to make a clay mobil with each positive carved into a piece of clay and then string them all together.
I'm feeling a bit icky right now- too full of too much cake and tired. I'll try posting a few more pictures, then take a rest.
Today was festive and fun- strange for a chemo day, but it was the last one!!!!! I met with Dr. T and got some great answers. My ovarian removal surgery will be two weeks from tomorrow- April 16. I'll get my port out then too- yeah! He said there was no reason to leave it in. Double Yeah! Also in two weeks I'll meet with a radiation oncologist, get set up for some sort of scan, have a mold made of my breast, and find out how many days of radiation I'll get. I had to laugh when he said the radiation typically starts 30 days after the last chemo- that would put me starting on May 1st- May Day! Of course, another holiday. Wouldn't it be funny if the last day of radiation was June 12- my birthday?! I will go back in next week for a blood draw, then after that I'll go in every 3 months for a blood draw (I think for the first year), and any other testing I might need. He also said it's pretty rare to lose finger nails and that mine could just stay loose.
I got flowers from some friends and D brought in 8 huge pink balloons, with Chemo #1 through 8 written on them. My little chair area was quite festive! After the chemo, as I was leaving, the entire staff had gathered in the front office to give me a hug and a present and a card and to congratulate me. They are so very, very sweet. In the parking lot I took a knife and popped each of the balloons, did a cart wheel, and left!
During the chemo I wrote on my rocks,and we stopped off at the river to chuck them in. More pictures to follow. It felt SO GOOD to heave each one of those rocks into the water and to let each thing go. I did another cartwheel on the bridge and off we went to Sweet Life. We spontaneously met up with a few other friends and had a nice, yummy celebration.
I am mulling over an idea. I want to gather more river rocks and this time write all the positives that happened during this period. Then, I'd like to put them together into something permanent for me to keep. I'm thinking of cementing them onto a flower pot, or making a big stepping stone out of them for the garden, or something. A friend had an idea to make a clay mobil with each positive carved into a piece of clay and then string them all together.
I'm feeling a bit icky right now- too full of too much cake and tired. I'll try posting a few more pictures, then take a rest.
Here Goes!
April Fools' Day, 2009
I've just dropped off the kids and am sitting at home waiting for my ride to my LAST chemo! For the first time, I'm excited to go so I can be done with it. I've got my cool new orange flower hat on, my bag full of rocks, and I'm ready!
Of course, me being the perpetual worrier, and a bit superstitious, I'm worried about it being April Fools Day. I'm meeting with Dr. T first (I met with him in the beginning, in the middle, and now at the end) and what if he tells me I need more chemo? I know this won't happen- he hasn't done any kind of tests that he would base a decision like that on. I just really, really want the chemo to be over and I'm so afraid that maybe it won't really be. Probably an unfounded fear. I do have lots of questions for him that I hope he can answer today- when is my surgery, when is the port coming out (I've heard some people have them left in for a year just in case they need more chemo), when do I meet with a radiation doctor, when do I start radiation, how many days will it be, what further tests will I get, and in general, what will the next few months look like for me. I've gotten into quite the two week routine with chemo and as much as I like my routines, this is one I'll be HAPPY to break. I just would like to know what my new routine is going to be.
Update on my nails. They have not fallen off! They are still loose on the nail beds, and I can see kind of a hallow area underneath them, and there is a gross smell about them. At first I thought it was the fish gloves. In Seaside, I loaned Karina my gloves so she didn't have to touch the dead fish she was feeding to the seals at the aquarium. They spent the rest of the trip wadded up in the trunk. Yesterday F and I put the finishing touches on the garden fence, and I wore the gloves to protect my nails. When I took them off, I noticed a strange fish-like oder. I've since washed my hands many times, and tried using lemon juice on them too. But, this morning there is still a strange odor that seems to be coming from underneath my finger nails. Guess I'll add that to a rock-stinky finger nails. Just one more thing to put up with for a short while, then it'll be gone!
I'm also SO excited that I'm almost done with the steroids! Just a few days of them. This last time I didn't get the depression like before. Even when I was so fatigued and laying in bed, there was no depression. Someone asked me what the difference is between fatigue and depression. For me, laying in bed with depression means as I lay there, thoughts go through my head about how I wish I wasn't laying there and about how I wish I was up doing something fun. With just the fatigue, the thoughts that go through my head are all about how good it feels to lay in bed and how my bed is so comfortable and how I'm so tired and I hope the kids leave me alone so I can just rest.
I've been warned that many people have the hardest recovery period after the last chemo. It's the max amount the doc feels the body can take, so with the last one, the body is completely saturated. I've been told to expect 2-3 weeks of the fatigue to continue and to expect that it might be even worse than what I've experienced so far. Ok, I can be prepared for that. But, my work schedule is picking up some in April, so how am I going to do that with fatigue? I'm hoping that I will be the exception and that with acupuncture and the naturopath, I'll be ok. I do need to keep going to bed early- I'm usually in bed now by 9:00 instead of my normal time of 11:00. And I might need to skip my 8:00 outdoor soccer games for the next month or so. No matter what, I'll manage and nothing can be as bad as the first chemos with all the nausea and misery.
Ride's here, time to go!
I've just dropped off the kids and am sitting at home waiting for my ride to my LAST chemo! For the first time, I'm excited to go so I can be done with it. I've got my cool new orange flower hat on, my bag full of rocks, and I'm ready!
Of course, me being the perpetual worrier, and a bit superstitious, I'm worried about it being April Fools Day. I'm meeting with Dr. T first (I met with him in the beginning, in the middle, and now at the end) and what if he tells me I need more chemo? I know this won't happen- he hasn't done any kind of tests that he would base a decision like that on. I just really, really want the chemo to be over and I'm so afraid that maybe it won't really be. Probably an unfounded fear. I do have lots of questions for him that I hope he can answer today- when is my surgery, when is the port coming out (I've heard some people have them left in for a year just in case they need more chemo), when do I meet with a radiation doctor, when do I start radiation, how many days will it be, what further tests will I get, and in general, what will the next few months look like for me. I've gotten into quite the two week routine with chemo and as much as I like my routines, this is one I'll be HAPPY to break. I just would like to know what my new routine is going to be.
Update on my nails. They have not fallen off! They are still loose on the nail beds, and I can see kind of a hallow area underneath them, and there is a gross smell about them. At first I thought it was the fish gloves. In Seaside, I loaned Karina my gloves so she didn't have to touch the dead fish she was feeding to the seals at the aquarium. They spent the rest of the trip wadded up in the trunk. Yesterday F and I put the finishing touches on the garden fence, and I wore the gloves to protect my nails. When I took them off, I noticed a strange fish-like oder. I've since washed my hands many times, and tried using lemon juice on them too. But, this morning there is still a strange odor that seems to be coming from underneath my finger nails. Guess I'll add that to a rock-stinky finger nails. Just one more thing to put up with for a short while, then it'll be gone!
I'm also SO excited that I'm almost done with the steroids! Just a few days of them. This last time I didn't get the depression like before. Even when I was so fatigued and laying in bed, there was no depression. Someone asked me what the difference is between fatigue and depression. For me, laying in bed with depression means as I lay there, thoughts go through my head about how I wish I wasn't laying there and about how I wish I was up doing something fun. With just the fatigue, the thoughts that go through my head are all about how good it feels to lay in bed and how my bed is so comfortable and how I'm so tired and I hope the kids leave me alone so I can just rest.
I've been warned that many people have the hardest recovery period after the last chemo. It's the max amount the doc feels the body can take, so with the last one, the body is completely saturated. I've been told to expect 2-3 weeks of the fatigue to continue and to expect that it might be even worse than what I've experienced so far. Ok, I can be prepared for that. But, my work schedule is picking up some in April, so how am I going to do that with fatigue? I'm hoping that I will be the exception and that with acupuncture and the naturopath, I'll be ok. I do need to keep going to bed early- I'm usually in bed now by 9:00 instead of my normal time of 11:00. And I might need to skip my 8:00 outdoor soccer games for the next month or so. No matter what, I'll manage and nothing can be as bad as the first chemos with all the nausea and misery.
Ride's here, time to go!
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