First Walk!

11/22/08

I woke up feeling so good this morning! Just in time, because Kaycee woke up sick. She's been having a tummy ache- I thought maybe as a way to get to spend some time with me, but today she actually puked a bit and was really needing some mommying. I used some of my herbs on her and tucked her into bed with me. I tried some Reiki on her, and she tried some on me- it was very sweet. I was able to get breakfast and unload the dishwasher this morning. I got a shower with no problem. And, I got dressed in real clothes- not pj's today! I was feeling so good, I was toying with the idea of playing a game of soccer tomorrow. Then, the girls left for an outing with some friends, and a friend of mine arrived to take me out for a walk. By the time I got my shoes on, I realized that I was exhausted. But, I went on the walk anyway. Nice and slow and it was SOOOOO good to get outside and walk through my neighborhood. It was a beautiful fall day today and perfect, cool weather. It wasn't a long walk, but I was so tired by the time we finished. I wore a very good sports bra, but the jiggling still caused some soreness. Nothing too unbearable, and well worth it. I don't have bandages over the incisions today- just lots of steri-strips covering the stitches. And lots of red welts from the tape that held the bandages down- I have been plagued by a latex allergy and I must also be allergic to the adhesive in non-latex bandages. I am so happy that I am feeling so much better and can get out. But, I think the soccer game will have to wait. I'm getting ready for a nap right now and I may go for a short drive later.

I can't believe how happy I feel right now. I am sure that I'll get sad again, but for today, I am very peaceful and happy. I have been sleeping so well at night, and I haven't been needing to take a sleeping pill like usual. I was thinking about why that is, and I believe its not only because I'm so tired, but also because all the normal daily stressors are absent for me for right now- I'm not working, not having to get the girls ready for school, not having to pick them up, not having to struggle with them during homework, not having to cook, clean, do laundry, or even change my sheets. Aside from the stress of having cancer, this is like a very relaxing, luxury vacation. This is a very weird thought I know. But, I am getting it that the reason why its so important to have people take care of me is that it frees up all sorts of mental and emotional space inside of me to just concentrate on healing. I realize that I am so very lucky to have so many people helping to carry me through this time.

I thought about calling the doctor's office to see if any of the pathology reports were back. I did finally call yesterday, but they were already closed. Of course I want to know, but a huge part of me also recognizes that if I do know right now, and its bad, that could take away from my healing. And, if I'm to have another operation right away, I really need to be recovered as much as possible from this one first. I really think I'm just supposed to be waiting and relaxing and healing right now. Wednesday will come soon enough.

I tried again to access the VA health system yesterday to see if any of my bills could be covered by them. I had a stomach ache most of yesterday, and as soon as I called the VA number, i could feel my stomach clench up. Its always so frustrating trying to get through to a real human being to ask questions. There is an answering machine with a bunch of different choices, but all the choices either led me right back to the original message, or to a phone that just rang and rang. I finally got through to a real person and found out that there is a whole separate section in the VA health system devoted to women veterans' health issues, and that breast cancer falls under a special women's health issue. The person I wanted to talk to can't be reached by phone, so I left a message with person number one on the phone. Who knows if I'll get a call back, but we'll see. I will be fine without the VA's help because I've got great medical insurance (another huge reason to be grateful), but I want to at least find out if they can cover some of this. I figured that if I'm laying in bed anyway, I may as well make some phone calls. But, the stress may not have been worth it. We'll see.